Hi Tootal

I know how tough it is to become estranged from a loved one because of the addiction to gamble but it is often the only way to get the space and time to think clearly without the addiction swirling around inside your head. Know that ‘you’ are very important.

Unless people have lived with the addiction to gamble, their opinions can be very narrow and not supportive so personally I think it is best to tell others as a statement rather than asking for or allowing opinions. You can gather information here so that you can make your own informed decisions with that knowledge but it is better to get good support than to be alone. Even after years of understanding I still get the blank look when I try and pass on information about this addiction – some people will never begin to make the effort to understand and would certainly argue – why should they?

Is the counsellor your husband is going to see aware of the addiction to gamble?

I think it is fine to answer your husband’s texts as long as they are kind and good texts, free of manipulation.

To be the best support Tootal, look after yourself first. Your husband will struggle with responsibility for you, as he is unable to take responsibility for himself at the moment. Your husband will be suffering from low self-esteem and lack of confidence because the addiction he owns only brings him failure. If you look after you, when he can face his demons and changes his life, you will not be part of the wreckage of his addiction. CGs do not hurt their loved ones deliberately, they are driven by triggers that are destructive.

I am not surprised your feelings are all over the place and I understand only too well that you do love your husband. I admire the stance you have taken but it would be wrong of me to suggest that just by separating from him, will bring his mind to reason. He has a lot of work to do and you, for your part, need to be strong. Do things for yourself at this time that maybe the addiction has stopped you doing, rekindle old hobbies and interests, see friends (to talk about anything but addiction), go out for a meal, explore nature and make sure that whatever you do gives you pleasure. It might not seem a lot but I know it is hard to break your mind away from an addiction that has consumed ‘your’ mind for 24 hours a day for years. Time away from the addiction controlling your thoughts is time well spent and will help you and ultimately your husband.

You have said you want to give your husband the opportunity to fix himself but equally you need an opportunity to find you again because your self-esteem and confidence will probably also be low as a result of your husband’s addiction.

I look forward to getting an update. You are among those who understand Tootal and who will never judge. I wouldn’t be writing here if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result.

Well done on the way you are handling your situation