I hear you loud and clear when you talk about your father’s eval. My hb was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. As are so many other cgs. He has not had any significant mood swings since he quit the useless medication when he first started inpatient treatment. The ugliness you describe is real and painful for everyone involved. Personally it also did me some good. I set out to learn all I could about cg and in the process shed all the shame and whatnot once I understood that it is his disease, not mine. I had nothing to do with it. Not with the gambling and ultimately not with his recovery either. Other than reaching my own rock bottom and telling him that no matter what happened, I would not be part of this insane dance anymore.
At least cg is now a disorder in it itself in the DSM V instead of just lumped under not specified compulsive behaviors. A step in the right direction. So I think it is very important for non-cgs to get all the information they can. It did help me a lot to get a perspective on his and my own issues.
I agree with you re ownership. Always believe in it and always will.
As for me, I’m glad that I don’t have to live with the active addiction anymore. It did so much irreversible damage that some of it will stay with me for the rest of my life due to my situation being somewhat unusual and having some other issues of my own.