#3600
dadda
Participant

Hi, Ula. I was married to CG, twice as a matter of fact. I had no clue that he had a problem, until after he filed for divorce for the second time. Sad thing is that they change, or maybe the true colors come out … or maybe it depends on what pathology is there along with the addiction.

My experience is not expertise, but suffice it to say that many, many professionals do not recognize gambling problems/addiction. You can’t get them help or easily protect yourself, either, once you are legally entwined (for sure). Despite any niceness or other positive qualities he may possess (or seem to), the destruction that will certainly occur – to finances, peace of mind and so on – will never be outweighed by those qualities.

I think if you read some of the other threads on here, you can see what life will become – at least get a general idea.

I would have been thrilled if my husband had decided to get into recovery, once his addiction was discovered. I knew recovery would be hard, but so is divorce and I believed (and still do) that if we were both on board and with faith, it would be achievable and would happen … just not overnight or necessarily easy. But worth it … I believe it defintely would have been worth it. He chose not to, and dumped our children and me in order to be with someone who was married and a good source of funds. He has even caused more financial and emotional devastation than necessary, because he was angry that I didn’t just get out when he demanded I do so, and so has “punished” me (but also our daughters) because he views EVERYTHING (asset wise) as “his”, no matter what the law states. And even though he initiated the divorce, he was not willing to fulfill his legal obligations to obtain it. He got his divorce, and got out of any settlement. Days now are rough for me … back when I met him, I would never have dreamed this to be a possible outcome. In fact, I chose to be with him because he seemed a “solid investment” in terms of seeming to have similar values and also not having destructive habits or attitudes.

I won’t say to cut off ties completely, if you think/feel you can be objective and a true friend (which means not an enabler, etc). That is a choice only you can make. My thought is that getting involved in a relationship with an actively addicted gambler is a sure path to a lot of destruction in your own life. Best wishes and hopes to you!