oh gosh, I just lost everything I wrote…. so here we go again.

I really don’t know what to think anymore. I just can’t stop blaming myself for not being “proud” of him, not trying to understand the game. I told him don’t tell me about your profits, I can’t make you not play, at least don’t tell me about it because it makes me mad. Is that horrible of me? It’s like sticking my head in the sand and iggnoring it right?
when he first told me about poker, I was on the edge, I was so scared and wanted to run for my life, but I didn’t. I loved him, and he promised me that once we lived together he wouldn’t play anymore… that he was going to have an education and live a normal life. So for two years I waited for him, waited for him to start college. He had no one else. He had no family, they didn’t contact him… he had only me, how could I turn my back on him. I felt that I was everything to him, and actually he kept saying it all the time. His family came back into his life (I kind of made that happen aswell), and they didn’t try to push him away from the game. His brothers actually looked up to him, he earnd money, alot more then them at least (they are educated). So I was fighting this battle alone, and for what? Is it normal for a person to go to bed 9-12 am? And taking sleeping pills too, because he wasn’t sleeping well? is that a good sign?
He left me treating me like I was the fault in the breakup, I was the one that should be happy right, I should just accpet. Even his family turned their backs on me…. I’m just hurt…. So much pain!
He has not tried to contact me once, and I feel I manage to look down on myself, give myself low self-esteem…. power of the brain huh?

Thank you so much for your respons:)