Hi Velvet,
Firstly a great deal of thanks to Harry who was fantastic in private chat recently and also yourself whom I appreciate greatly. I have read a number of your comments to other forum members and admire your strength/advice….I was hopeful we would also chat.
I posted on this site and then directed my wife to the site in the hope that she would view my post. She did. It broke the ice and I have now confronted the situation with 100% honesty which was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life…although I do regret not doing it earlier, it may have saved me a hell of a lot of anguish, anxiety, hurt and pain.
We are now working through the various issues, at this stage, in a calm manner. I have hurt my wife so much and it is hard for me to believe that I would continue my behaviour because of my fear of losing her by being honest. Now it all seems very surreal to me that I would believe that notion for so long. In fact it is the complete opposite – the truth was only ever going to be the way I could rid myself of the monster in my corner. He now has nothing to feed off – my journey into full recovery can now begin.
In reference to your questions, my wife has struggled with seeking help throughout my addiction. She is a very proud and private person – she internalises a lot. Since referring her to this forum, she has taken it upon herself to read and gain a better understanding which I feel is a positive step for her to work toward getting help her help herself. I am attempting to be as gentle as possible in assisting her with getting herself that help that she may need because I don’t want her to feel that I am pushing it down her throat – I don’t have all the answers.
I am hopeful she reads your comments above, I am confident they will bouy her with the fact that there is hope for change and it is possible.
I am now in a position to be able to effect change because I have finally been honest…I now have no requirement to hide, lie and manoeuvre.
My wife is aware that I attend GA twice a week and yes my sponsor is aware of my struggles. Between my sponsor and psych counsellor, advice from this site and a growing desperation in my mind to live a better life – I was able to finally archive the strength of courage to confront the truth.
I am ever so glad I did, although belatedly but that can’t be changed.
Thank you so much again – Rob !