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Well, just a view but it seems to me that you did have a trigger, it was time. I was meant to be doing something last night with women from GA but it was cancelled andi got a bit urgey with spare time, tiredness and just all the stuff of Xmas. We have all gone back when the result is always the same. The difference now is that I do not want to cause even more pain for myself on a deep level. When 8 relapsed time and time again, in recovery I had to ask myself why was I hurting myself over and over. The emotions related to the answer had to be worked through and not always through counselling. Most of it I had to work out for myself.