#3151
velvet
Moderator

Hi Worried
Just a quick note on your Gamanon group – stick with it. Every now and then it crops up on the site whether it is harder/different to be a parent or wife/husband, etc to a CG. My answer is that it doesn’t matter – the addiction is the same so why waste energy quantifying who has the greater pain? Everybody learns from everybody else and that is what matters.
When I first joined my Gamanon group, all the other member were wives or partners of a CG – I was the only mother of a CG. Maybe in made me do more listening in the early days. Gamanon was my route to my salvation.. How we cope is down to each and every person and it doesn’t matter who it is we love with the addiction.
My son told me that I could have done nothing to prevent his addiction, nor was I to blame. I had been told this many times in Gamanon but to hear it from the horse’s mouth as it were has helped me progress and I hope that it will help you too.
As yet, your son cannot speak as a person in control of his addiction but never lose hope. Youth makes them feel invincible and nothing you can say will change that until he is ready..
How much better it is for you and you son that you put yourself first, enjoy the company of others, seek new friendships, have hobbies and interests. When the time comes for your son to realise that his destructive addiction controls him and it is that which is ruining his life, then he will have a healthy, strong mother to talk to and share with, whereas if you are another victim of his addiction you will not be fit enough to help him or you.
Sow the seeds for him. Point him towards GA, this site, dedicated addiction counsellors but recognise that you cannot save him – only he can do that. The only person you can save is you and believe me that is so very, very important.

Velvet