Hi Worried Mum
How much I admire the strength it took for you to write your post.
There is so much I would like to say to you but I will keep my first reply short. You are right when you say that your son can use your unawareness of his addiction to manipulate you and in my opinion the more knowledge you can gain the easier it will be for you to cope.
You have proved to me that you have amazing strength by writing that first post – now you need to use that strength to look after yourself. If you crumble because of his addiction you won’t be able to help him or yourself. Take time out every day for you, a time where you don’t think about his addiction but a time when you do something that you enjoy. Your son is controlled by his addiction but you are not – and nor do you have to be.
An addiction will often bring those who are closest all the way down to the bottom, if they allow it. Does your son live with you?
It is a tough message for any mother but you cannot make your son stop gambling, you cannot save him. However, I am writing to you because I know that your son can control his addictions; he might not be ready to change his life yet but it is within his power to do so.
A good form of support is Gam-Anon, the sister group of GA – maybe you could find a group in your area. Physically sitting with others who understand you can give great comfort – I always think of my F&F groups as sitting together talking over a cup of tea. It doesn’t matter how many stories you read, your story is unique and you deserve to be heard and cared for.
There is an F&F group tomorrow evening and another on Thursday, both between 10 and 11pm. I would love to ‘meet’ you there, when we can communicate in real time. It is private and safe. nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
I hope to ‘speak’ to you tomorrow evening but in the meantime please write again and maybe let me know how old your son is.
If you don’t want to hear your son then I suggest you don’t listen too closely to his words – words spoken by an addiction are often cruel and manipulative.
Speak again soon. I know the loneliness you feel but I will walk beside you for as long as you want me to and hopefully you will feel less alone.
Velvet
