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#45863
kathryn
Participant

Good morning,
I had a hell of a time finding my thread, almost 3 months! Time flies.
So life goes on…..lots has happened.
Im currently doing a course, it was kind of thrust upon us at work, none of us were particularly keen, with good reason, it hasn’t really been a huge benefit where work is concerned, it has, however been a huge stress! I vowed I wouldn’t study again, and this course reminded me of why. The boss wanted us to do it to try and give us more opportunity at work, he, bless him, is trying to keep us all employed and while its a noble gesture the content of this course hasn’t been all that helpful in our work. I have 1 essay to do, I haven’t don’t an essay in 15 years so it should be interesting.
We have been camping a lot and I mean A LOT! It has been so much fun, doesn’t cost a lot more than if we were at home and its been lovely spending time with good family and friends. Ive really needed it. We are away for a week, leaving next Thursday for what I call the Hoe Down! Its Damians siblings and partners, we have been doing it yearly for a while now and the weather is meant to be amazing. We are going to a park in a town that I haven’t been to as yet so that’s something to look forward to.
So I bit the bullet about a month ago and finally opened my mouth and told Dames I wasn’t happy. He had no idea (of course because I never say anything). He offered to move out, he asked if I wanted to move out. Of course I wanted neither, because I don’t know what I want. I don’t know if I want this life anymore, but at the same time I am terrified of the unknown. I don’t know how I feel about him. I told him I would not be living like this in 10 years time. Am I having a midlife crisis? (im 50 next year) Am I just looking for some excitement in my life? Am I just being selfish?
The thought of living without him makes me both excited, terrified, sad, worried, it goes on and on.
He is trying. He really is. I don’t know if ive already checked out though. I DONT KNOW!!!!
So, I do nothing. For now anyway.
Money is, as always an issue, although it is improving a little.
Ive started my Christmas shopping which is something. This is my last weekend of nothing on then every weekend leading up to Christmas is busy busy so I need to make the most of this weekend. But, of course im sitting here typing away and trying to ignore all the stuff I need to do.
Anyway, im going to have a quick browse of the forum, lots of new names there.
Take care everyone,
Love K xxx