How did I fail
I have allow my 5 senses; sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch to determine my decision.
I don’t want to work hard, be patient, and live life in poverty
So take away the monetary gain found in gambling, there are no more reason to do it anymore.
I will have to work hard, gambling does not need me to work harder.
I will have to be more patient and wait until the end of the month for my salary; gambling winning is quicker and faster.
I will have to live within my salary limit, gambling winnings has no limit.
Gambling was a long term lie I tell myself and it gave me false hope.
When something bad had happen or nothing bad had happen, it could just simply be some temporary body hormones or chemical change; it can make me feel lousy, moody, helpless and losing control. I have a habit to try to correct these feelings.
Gambling gave me some level of control. It is predictable, either I win or lose, I am in control, I control the bet, head or tail, favourites or outsider, the amount I bet, all or nothing. It gave me a false sense of in control feeling I cannot get from people at home and at work. It offers me an escape from real life problem when I am in the middle of it. Even when I lost all, it is predictable; gambling like alcohol, many times changes the state of my mind and numbs my feelings.
When I hear someone making unreasonable request, raising their voice and yelling at me, I will react instinctively because I cannot tolerate shame, humiliation, unfairness and unjustly treatment. When I feel physical and mental discomfort, suffering and pain, I get very stress, restless, anxious and panic. I want to correct this feeling. When I listen to me, I become very self-centred, selfish and self-seeking; I start to lose my focus and awareness of a power greater than me.
Many times, my problem was not the most important I had.
Apostle Peter told Christians they are to rejoice in suffering for Christ because, in so doing, He is being glorified.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, let your name be made holy throughout all eternity. You gave Your one and only Son, who willingly suffered, bled, and died and defeating death, rose on the third day so that we may have eternal life and a close relationship restored to You.
Until that day of eternal rest comes, please lead, guide, and direct us through life’s sufferings. help us to walk in the light of Your righteousness for Your namesake. Help us to rejoice in righteous suffering we pray in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour. Amen.