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Hi velvet

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful words as always.

My daughter did have a lovely weekend thank you and I hope a bit oblivious to the chaos her father tries to create. I wonder do you have any thoughts on how I might deal with difficult situations for example:

My CG has little impact on my life now apart from times he is supposed to see our daughter. He is often late and still makes very little time for her probably about 3 hours a week. On Friday when it was our daughters birthday he was 2 hours late. He rang her to wish her a happy birthday and told her he would see her. She was very excited and kept looking at thecwindow. He then became really angry saying he was important in her life too when I reminded him we had to be back for 4 Pm due to other plans I had made of which he was aware . when I called to chase him as he was late he then said he wasn’t coming. I resorted to pleading which I have not been doing just because I couldn’t believe he could be so cruel to her. He did eventually come but in an angry mood. Saying he wanted to take her out on his own. We eventually agreed i was going too!! ( i was too worried about his mood).when we were out he said he was leaving after about 20 mins as we were in separate cars!! (He refused to get in mine although a lift was offered).My daughter spotted him trying to leave the park and she cran after him and so he stayed. Its all so ridiculous.

I’m thinking in future try to avoid him speaking to her on the phone to tell her anything and then when he phones to back down it has no impact on her. It has even stopped making me so angry only perhaps weary. My daughter is still very excited to see her dad and when he is not wrapped in his own self pity or anger he is lovely with her. These glimmers seem to be getting less and less though. I now recall when ever I tried to rely on him to sit when I was going out he would often gamble then do the ‘I’m not coming back now ‘ self pity card. Which I would usually fall for usually because I just wanted a break!!! So I would say oh go on we can sort this out and he would come. I do see his behaviour hasn’t changed only maybe mine has a little.

I suppose the only way he can have any impact on her /my life. is by causing chaos. I can only perhaps relate to a child having a tantrum?

I think I just need to try and speak to him weekly to try and set some plans in place but there seems little I can do if he fails to keep them. He priority seems to be work and then cutting grass after work and weekends for cash. There is no end to his stream of income so no stop to gambling.

I’m far less emotional when our daughter asks for dad. Its usually at bed time when she’s tired. She is usually distracted I realise but I’m getting weary of the chaos he tries to create. I keep saying about turning up on time but he knows how desperate I am that our daughter is o.k so I suppose he is seeing how far he can push things. His selfishness and cruelty to our daughter is a wonder to me but its for him to come to terms with if he ever is able to.

I have now even managed to tell a friend I have been avoiding speaking to properly for months as I didn’t want to say we had split again. But I did the more a statement of fact and it was better for me. She seemed a little annoyed I hadn’t said but had guessed anyhow. Maybe because I left it till just before my daughters birthday party on Saturday as I knew she would ask where my CG was. He choose not to come. I said little about this . in the past I would have pleaded. Keeping up appearances and all that. Again how irrelevant that now seems!

Anyhow just a few thoughts I have. I would be grateful for any of yours as always.

Kind regards