I am so thankful I have found this support. I read the post you all have written to get me thru the day. I try to focus on me and my kids.. and trying to tell myself being happy is ok. I still find myself getting gut wrenching pains when I think ,, has this really happened to me. How did addiction to gambling do this? I find it hard to talk to friends/family.. they don’t understand. They ask me why didn’t he just stop, did I try enough, did he try therapy.. oh my god I want to scream.. I did it all.. I just didn’t tell anyone.. and now they all want to judge, criticize, offer advice.. I get so angry.
I look at pictures of our family.. and see how hard I tried and just still get so upset that addiction was so powerful.
I have found some happiness with an old friend. I went to dinner with him. Funny,, he has been divorced for over a year because his wife was addicted to pain medication.. so we have shared stories. We laugh, cry and support each other. Developing a friendship.. but then I find myself feeling guily .. what is wrong with me!! I stop myself from happiness. I think about why did he gamble.. why wasn’t I enough.. why did he do this to my kids… why why why.
Maybe Im just tired today. Thankful I have this support page to write on.
Thanks for listening