I am very glad that you shared your story. What you said about your parents divorcing and you “becoming enabler” til you were 30 (on a reply in another post) strikes a chord in me. The easiest (and financially, best) solution when he filed for divorce (oldest 18, youngest 16) would have been for me to GET OUT. However, my daughters had watched me be steamrollered through their lives. I’d often, even after returning, had to stand between him and a daughter when things grew heated. What I saw was that it was extremely likely that he would “choose” one or the other to help support him, do the chores and so on. This staying and standing tough has destroyed me financially for the time, but it has at least enabled my daughters to see reality more clearly.
My oldest daughter has signed a lease (a year ago) that begins in August and will put distance between her father and her. My hope was to get both daughters OUT and away from both of us, so they could see things and think without mainpulation, bias or ANYTHING coming from either of us (and they will be). People have told me I should just leave and leave them to “figure it out”. I was in my forties before I figured it out! I also didn’t grow up with this as my “oxygen” and normal environment; in fact that is part of what “saved” me. Finally realizing I’d never experienced CRUELTY, especially prolonged. Sometimes I have sort of doubted whether I made the right choice, but your story confirms what I feared. I’ll gladly take the loss if it helps them to recover themselves and live happier, healthier and more satisfying lives in the long run. Thank you!