I can relate a lot with how you feel. In November I had a win of 9k which was massive amount for me because I have a disability so hardly get any money. I was so happy told all my family and wanted to treat my mum to a holiday. Then within a week I lost it all and more felt dreadful was just thinking about it every second I was awake . A few days later I admitted to my mum what I had done and she was very disappointed but supportive. I’m still gamble free since then and it has got a lot easier only the occasional thought if the loss pops in my head. There is always support on this site. Stay strong you can overcome this.