i didnt meet my ex. he contacted me at 1am by text on saturday morning looking for a conversation about the horrible and tragic events in paris. i didnt reply.
he then called me at 8 am and asked how I was. I replied I wasnt doing well and I was feeling anxious as his parents had asked to see my daughter and I agreed, despite their last abusive drunken contact with me, I decided not to use my daughter and be the better person by letting them take my daughter out for a few hours. I was still dreading it.
My ex couldnt understand why I was nervous and I explained that whilst he was in the hospital, I had some difficulty from his parents. His tone then changed and he started talking about himself, saying at least his parents got to see his daughter. I quickly reminded him that we were meant to be talking about me and not him, he was back in victim mode and even stated that “all he did was gamble” and his parents didnt want to know him. He then hangs up the phone.
I am upset and I need to call a friend for support.
A few hours later, he texts me again and acts like nothing has happened, asking me what time will I meet him to take our daughter out. I tell him this isnt happening.
The next day, today, I get more texts and he is asking for items from the house. He says he needs them and wants to come over. I say No and tell him I will only drop them off at his house, but that I am not staying or coming in. I am at the shops when he contact s me and texts to say he will meet me in the car park at the shops. Yes thats fine by me but No, he changes his mind again and tells me to forget it. I don’t get it. Is he playing games?
I get on with my day and I get another text, which was sent in error to me. It is from him to a friend at GA and he is telling his GA mate that he had a great day out with the kids, he spent 30 pound, he took them swimming. I am reading this thinking “No he didnt”. My kids were with me all day so why he is telling lies again?
I speak to a GA member that was his closest support and he tells me that my ex has distanced himself away from him. He thinks it is because he will know when he is lying. He tells me that he has stopped going to his base meeting, which is a very strong group and the GA member says this is because he will get challenged in this group and my ex is running away from this. He also thinks the ga member is telling me things about him and hes not, he has kept the confidentiality and i already know about the things he tells me as i have found out in the community. If you were in recovery, surely you wouldnt care what your wife knew, as long as you were making changes and getting the help you needed?
I really thought he was making things better for himself but now I am not sure what to believe anymore, Still minimizing his behaviour, remaining the victim, not wanting anyone to question him and then pretending he has been out with the kids when he has not, is not being in recovery?
Vera was right when she said games get played,to be wary when he got wrecked after seeing the kids the last time and I feel stupid as I had some hope that he was really doing well.
It makes you feel like a fool and the energy I waste wanting things to be better, when they are not, keeps me feeling sad.
I wish he would just grow up and whilst i know addiction must be horrendous, surely there needs to be a maturity that says, I have to stop now?
I have ordered a book called ‘loving an addict, loving yourself’. Maybe that will help.
More tears . More disappointment. More lies and manipulation. The thoughts I have right now, I cant even write.
I am stronger than the addiction. I remember velvet telling me this in one of my very first posts. I am trying to tell myself this velvet, i am just so low. My ex breaks my heart.