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Thanks geordie,

Done another 30 today, I agree with every thing you said, especially nothing bad will happen if I don’t bet but will if I do. Let me tell you more about me, I have a very addictive personality, whether it’s alcohol , the home, work, the gym etc. When I done my 61 days I got used to not betting, I felt a different person, yes I missed that buzz but I didn’t have these emmense lows and guilt. Like I said I have addictive traits but gambling affects me more and like no other. I done 61 days through sheer will and grit. No one knows about my gambling, my partner knows I bet too much but hasn’t a clue how I feel and how much it controls me, I know I’m in denial of the problem as I’ve always reigned it in and never lost it. I love my sport and I loved gambling on it but it’s gone too far now. I’m not going to bet on ipl cricket tomo, I haven’t got any money of my own, I know I’ll hate it and come 11am I’ll be gagging to have another 20 on it.
I have never considered outside help as i am too private a person to admit to this problem , on here no one knows me and it’s safe.
I sit and think , how the hell can one pastime like betting take control of my head like this ? With cigarettes ( never smoked) and alcohol I understand as it’s a physical craving , but I can’t get my head around craving this buzz ? I know I will never win , I’ve read so many posts and it’s me, yet I still go back for more. This false dream of turning £20 into hundreds with a purple patch . Tomorrow is the start, my aim is to beat 61 days, I know this week and whilst IPL is on will be torture but it’s gotta be done , i just want this feeling to go away now and be normal .

Night, Jjm