Dear San,

Thank you, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experience in counseling! I feel less fearful, or less reluctant, or something … I’m not sure. I just know I could not articulate what I wanted to get out of our counseling (other than of course for my husband to get control of his addiction) because I had not one clue of what to expect from it.

We’ve been making spaghetti for 25 years too. His problem gambling is just the latest and most damaging issue to date, and probably, in part, a result of all the other unresolved issues over the years.

What you said about becoming separate people first … I was shaking my head up and down as I read that. I think that’s what has been happening with me since coming to this site. I’m beginning to see things differently, and see myself differently (albeit ever so slowly), even thinking of myself as single at times. And I don’t think my husband knows who he is any more. So I truly hope this is the beginning of his recovery and finding himself again.

Having read your post, I know I will need to really let myself be open to this counselor, and, as V says, “push things around” that she says in order to start unraveling the spaghetti …

I also appreciate your idea about going to the sessions separately. Based on our one experience Monday, I can see how that would be beneficial. There was a brief awkward silence at first when we got back in the truck – then there was this awkward, forced conversation … neither contributed anything positive to the experience.

I’m actually kind of looking forward to tomorrow’s session with her. Thanks again for sharing San and thanks for your well wishes. I hope to hear something good and positive from you on your thread soon.