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I know that when I made the decision to stop gambling – and then relapsed, the feeling was a lot worse then when I was just in action before the decision to stop.
That makes sense because there is a feeling of failure which I had when I gave into my urges. I’m not even capable of “not doing” something.
The more I read about how our brains are wired – the more I realised that not giving into urges is just part and parcel of what it means to be addicted – and saying “no” to the brain isn’t at all easy.
One word of warning though – there is a school of thought that says the relapse starts before the bet is placed – in other words, the thoughts of gambling – the checking of results etc. should be seen as a warning to you. Try not to do it – I know easier said than done.
One thing you could consider – if you are looking forward to a new life without gambling – make plans for it now. What do you want that to look like? What new things do you want in your life to replace the time and effort you spent in gambling. You say you have a little money – so treat yourself to something that will be useful in your “new life.” For me it might be new photography equipment – or a ticket to somewhere new. For you …. ?
Get good support for yourself – needed in the early days. Use the 1-2-1 here or the support groups (times are on that section of the forum) – check the internet for other online groups if there is nothing in your country. Is there anyone close you can talk to? Keep strong and you can come through this.