Hello Sirena,
You have written an incredibly brave post and your words have moved me tremendously.
It must have taken an enormous amount of courage to walk in to your boss’ office that day. You painted a very clear picture of your anguish and described it as the bottom for you. To me, I think it was a moment to be extremely proud of.
But then I am not a compulsive gambler – my husband is (not yet in recovery), so I am not necessarily able to relate to the emotional and psychological aspects of your addiction. I can only offer you encouragement to continue working hard on your recovery, and I can wish you my sincere and heartfelt best wishes for your journey.
You have made so many very wise and informed decisions already, and you are extraordinarily introspective. I believe your boss is absolutely right in his assessment of you and in his faith that you will beat this thing.
I think it is good that you recognize you cannot provide your boyfriend with the help he needs while you are just beginning to get the help you need. Perhaps he has backed off because he does understand on some level – or intuitively recognizes your need to do this work without distraction. Of course I don’t know, but I do know the addiction can distort your perception so I offer another.
I tend to go on and on in my posts, and I really have no business doing that here on your thread. Others will post soon who can better understand what you’ve been through and what may be ahead for you. I hope Velvet will share her thoughts with you about the separate paths of CGs (compulsive gamblers) and non-CGs (friends and family of CGs).
In your moments of heaviness I hope you will come here for support and understanding – perhaps to one of the live groups – or call a sponsor or friend. You need not go through this alone.
Keep holding those good thoughts dear and close – I feel certain your ideals will resurface.
You have an amazing gift in expressing yourself with words and I am enlightened by your experiences. I look forward to reading your thread.
Adele
