I am sorry it took me a while to respond. I didnt know if I had a good answer. I would say that being on a forum means that maybe you are willing to really understand what caused your gambling problem. The first thing my husband did was blame me. He still blames His last gambling blow up on not having the right job situation. I am just blown away.
He blames me for the end of our marriage and everything else. I am over it.
I think the fact that you are asking these questions is a good start. I think yes things could have been different if my husband were that person. If he were self reflective and didn’t blame everyone and everything else for his issues.
Today my husband told me he isn’t/wasn’t a liar. That it was not lying when he said he “had 20 dollars and was going to go see how long that would last at the casino”. When he actually would gamble $3,000 in a night. He did that over and over and over and over. I am amazed that in his mind it’s only lying if it was “intentional”. I can’t even understand that logic. I was raised by a simple man who didn’t lie, didn’t cheat, didn’t drink, and didn’t steal from his family.
Had my husband came to me and said he was sorry and that he messed up and messed up BIG, and took his name off of our accounts and handed over control of the finances, maybe then Things may have been different. But, he doubled down and refused to give up any control, take any responsibility , would not accept that it was a huge betrayal, and he let everyone in his family blame me for his financial problems. It’s humiliating to me to think how stupid I was for so long. I allowed someone to completely lie and steal from my kids future. I let that happen on my watch, and that is my biggest regret. I regret trusting the person I married. I regret letting that person make me feel like it was my fault. I let him manipulate me and make me feel like I caused that to happen because I didn’t make enough money Or because my husband had the wrong job. Or because “insert excuse” was happening to him. It’s always about him. I think my gambling husband was and is a narcissist. There is no wrong doing in his mind. It wasn’t intentional and therefore all should just be forgiven. Had there not been significant mental abuse and emotional trauma and financial abuse maybe it would have been differen, but I have no idea because that was my situation. I hope you are good to your wife. If you want help, really get help and realize it isn’t any different than any other addiction. Be kind, don’t be abusive, ask yourself if you really do love your wife.
I think you said she doesn’t love you anyway, and that sounds troubling. I feel like that is possibly a rationalization for your behavior. Maybe you want her attention. Gambling is not the way to do that. If you don’t love each other that is a separate issue. I wish I could be more helpful but this is all I know. I only know what I went through. Being lied to about anything is a big betrayal. I would say put yourself in her shoes and think how you would feel and what you would want. I would have liked to see real remorse and change.
But im over it. Now I get to fight the last battle in court.
I wish You all the best