I think the shame has to be one of the biggest weights to learn how to bear and carry through all of this, and then one day perhaps even come to terms with and forgiveness for ourselves.
As IRock says, keep writing. Well done for attending your first meeting. Perhaps hearing other people’s stories will help you to find the support and strength you desire to make changes. But also to feel like you are not alone in your journey, no matter how devastatingly isolating and lonely it can feel at times.
Your words resonate with me very loudly when you talk about the home you don’t have, the evenings out you’ve missed out on, the holidays you haven’t been able to take. These things and thoughts can sit heavily but I hope you can learn, in time, how to see past that and begin to see ways that you can have some of those things in your life again over time.
You are so right, it’s time to stop and we are all here for you, to believe in you when you don’t yourself, and to celebrate with you when you make progress because we understand.
High fives from New Zealand. Thank you for writing today