I went to pick up my money. On the way there I thought” just play a little of it maybe you can win what you lost back” Than I thought “f that just get your money walk out and screw that place” than my thoughts went to “get your money an go somewhere else”. Ugggh! I justified my thoughts with “it’s the last day of the year”. I hate that I would even consider wrecking yet another day… I made it in and out and of the bar and than thought “I will just take a hundred and buy 5 20.00 scratch offs.” Screw that too. I am done. Went and paid money on my car came home and gave the rest (not much) to the other 1/2… I still have some money in my account but not enough to send me running. I have one easy place to get money. It’s an open line of credit. I make a request and the money is instantly put in my bank. I owe nothing to them nor do I want to owe anything cause it’s a ridiculous interest rate…. even if I close it, it’s easy to re-open. I know my thoughts will be all over the place for some time. I have to figure out a way to block myself from being able to get money for the next time I decide to give in to my selfish desire.
