I woke up in the middle of the night last night and realized that I had just woken up for the first time in I can’t remember how long … from a dream that actually was not a nightmare. The CG ex was somewhere around, but I was in a room with a group of people. All of a sudden, I realized I had a new husband. He realized I had been through a rough time and was not trying to push himself or anything “onto” me. Normally, I don’t know if I would like that, but I appreciated it and went to sit with him and was demonstrating my affection with physical gestures such as hand holding.

I like dreams and used to keep a dream diary. I have no idea where this one came from … but I am glad to have FINALLY woken up and not from a nightmare … it has been a very long time. Most days I would wake up exhausted; my daughter had heard me tossing and turning and talking in my sleep (and I have observed that with her) and finally, I’d realized I wasn’t getting much restful and restorative sleep. I’d been bearing with it patiently for some time. From my dream journal in past, I found that there was a lot of repetition of symbols. I often dreamed of tornados, for example and going back to my childhood home to try to find something or having the feeling something had been left behind.

I find it useful, because in waking life, “coping” sometimes requires the use of some deceptions (although that might be better termed projection or suppression; various defense mechanisms) and though the strategy might be conscious and somewhat healthy, I think it also prevents the mind from using all information it might constructively.

So I am sort of interested in this dream, due to the symbolism and the sorts of messages I got from it. It certainly wasn’t anyone I recognize from “real life” and I haven’t had the luxury or desire to even think of a new relationship.

I know since he filed for divorce, I would often dream of him and often, it involved maleovalent intentions toward me. Several years ago, I learned that he held grudges for well over a decade about some argument we’d had that I certainly couldn’t remember (and not that he would ever tell me specifically, the details). These grudges would be resurrected and used as justification whenever he went on a “punishment” rampage. I remember him telling me once, in reference to things that resulted from his actions: “I’m sorry that happened to you.” Never any actual personal accountability for those actions, however. I think that was the major difference in this dream: the man representing husband did not have to be fended off or “have it explained”. He was sensitive or perceptive enough to “know” and caring enough; he had empathy … and what is that saying? “True love waits” … and a whole lot more.