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It is still 40 days until payday – I got the maths wrong., never can keep track . Still feeling horrible – no urges to gamble which is good .

Earlier this year I had stopped for around six months . I stopped around new year – because I have stopped and started so many times I can’t quite remember but ithink I gambled New Year’s Day and then quit.

The whole six months I had crazy urges- every day was a total battle – I remember being in chat with others and it was obvious that they were finding it easier –

When I relapsed I had a friend on the verge of relapse – I knew my relapse would affect her so I discussed it in support groups but didn’t write it on my thread – she relapsed anyway .

i  felt that I had let the entire community on here down – I felt ashamed to write about it on my thread – but somehow felt safer in groups .

When someone I have gotten close to relapses it somehow makes it ok for me to do so – not that I think this way but I usually follow closely behind – I’m not sure why.

This time feels different – I am not doing bingo and  the lottery (because they are not real gambling and I am not addicted to them) I  usually dabbled now and again. I have stopped all forms of gambling .

I get occasional urges or thoughts about gambling and I take Monica’s advice and I don’t let them settle in my brain.

I have taken on board what Vera has said in that it’s all about mindset and I keep my mind set to gamble-free.

I have llistened to Laura and I imagine her often whizzing around in her hew car and I know that can be me.

I have exchanged posts with Kathryn and I think of her attending concerts and having the greatest trips and I know that can be me.

Charles and his swimming with the sharks? I will leave that to him but perhaps I will visit Rome soon.

My point is that I am inspired by the success of so many prople on here – and even if they have had minor relapses they make sure theey get straight back to what has worked for them .

Harry said to me many years ago that a small fall on the journey does not have to become a full relapse – and while I don’t intend to have either – this is so true – letting the loss go is a huge part of recovery .

I have learned a lot from so many people who have encouraged and supported me – who have picked me up when I have fallen and cheered me on when I have made progress.

Life is good and I know it’s going to be even better in the new year !

Onwards and upwards.