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#52958
MurrS7
Participant

It will Improve with time and hard work and staying gamble free. You went a year so you know the feeling of not thinking about betting. But I’m guessing you also know the feeling of relapsing and losing everything. Both feelings are opposite
Ends of the spectrum. One feeling is so amazing, working hard for your $, watching it grow, treating yourself to things you want to buy, being able to take holidays, go to dinners etc. Being well.. you know.. happy about life again. Now the other feeling.. the feeling you and I are both feeling right now, this is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced. I’ve come down off benders of drugs and alcohol, I’ve had flus and colds for months where I couldn’t speak or get out of bed. But the feeling of losing every penny, is indescribable. Like you, I am in a rough place as I have relapsed also, after 38 days of abstinence. We must really think about these two feelings when we want to gamble next. Do we want our lives back where we didn’t think of gambling? Or do we want to feel sad, depressed, empty, financially in a hole. I’m so fed up and never want to feel this way again. Have you tried GA or one on one
Counselling ? I find it really holds us accountable. When I was regularly going to counselling , I would almost feel if I relapsed, I wouldn’t not only be letting myself down but also my therapist. Same as GA. I would not want to go in there every week saying hi my name is Stephen and once again (TODAY) was the last time I gambled. It’s embarrassing and I feel those two things really hold me accountable to my addiction. Also coming on here and reading threads seeing how crazy this addiction can be, really helps. Now we have to read the threads when we get the urge, or post on our journal when we get the urge. Don’t wait till after you relapse like I do. Even if you relapse and win, come on here and say I relapsed !! Don’t wait till you lose.. I’ve done it 100’s of times and
Now it’s time for change. I wish you all the best in your recovery and know you’re not alone. We are all in this together and I truly believe we can all come out on top. Stay strong