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Well since Christmas, my cg has gone all quiet. When I talk to him he is very calm and offering very little. I can only assume he has found another enabler, but as its not good to assume, I can only hope for the best as a mother does.

From my point of view since the big realisation he is not ready for ‘help’, I have let go ‘big time’. I have stopped pushing him in the direction of help. I have tried to get on with my own life, spent more quality time with my partner, gone back to work (and am not constantly checking my phone to see if my cg ‘needed’ me). I turn off my phone at night now to ensure a good night’s sleep. My cg has blocked me on the chat, I know he is on line because he has not blocked my partner :), strangely this is a good thing. We can both get on with our own lives without constant reminders of the addiction. A mother’s ‘concern’ over her son’s welfare and for a son the enabling lifeline readily available. Although what happened on Christmas Day was painful I think it served it’s purpose and I am enjoying the silence, filling the void with other things.

I have another scan in 10 days and am praying the ‘cancer beast’ inside me is still sleeping. Interestingly my son said he doesn’t not see the illness in me any more. I know it’s still there but it hopefully sleeps :). I won’t remind him I have a scan and will wait until I know the result. I realise he can not handle it.

So for now signing off, wishing everyone dealing with ‘active addiction’ cgs strength, love and eternal hope. This is a great place for support and advice. Take Care San xx