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… how similar life is for so many people. You’ve said a couple of things in your post to me that really resonated with me. [Thanks for the post :)] One was that you want to get rid of the demon in the middle of your relationship with your husband. I always had a negative reaction when I heard people speak of the “gambling demon” or the devil on their shoulder in relation to gambling. My feeling is that we’re all responsible for our own actions, and we shouldn’t minimize it by attributing our actions to a mythical being.

Then, in our discussion after I gambled last week, my husband said (almost apologetically) that he had to tighten up financial control even further because “there is a devil among us”. I found it interesting that he felt that way. And now I see how so many can feel they are manipulated by a gambling demon. For me though, it translates in the marketing people, the politicians who support casinos, etc. There are so many people and institutions heavily invested in making casinos and other forms of gambling work — and that, for me, is the demon.

Even in the midst of working hard on recovery, gambling manages to wriggle its ugly tentacles into our lives. I open Facebook, and there are ads reaching out to me, I click on my e-mail and there are dozens are emails from online casinos trying to entice me back online, I drive down the highway and signs point me to the slots venues, then there’s the television, radio, newspapers — every possible avenue — and there it is!! The demon!!

The other thing that I’m glad you reminded me of was our worth as mothers. There was an article recently that pegged the monetary value of stay at home moms at between 115,000 and 170,000 per year. Imagine if we were actually paid that!! Personally, I think it’s the fact that society has so often under-valued SAHMs that I’ve been so depressed about my two years at home. Why is it that we — the beings who carry, deliver, raise and produce presidents, lawyers, doctors — all the most powerful men in history — are so grossly undervalued? It’s a universal disgrace!!

But unfortunately, the Koolaid is still strong in my veins and I feel I need to do more to contribute to the household. So, the inability to do so adds to my rapidly deteriorating self-esteem and I try to boost it with unhealthy and unnatural “highs”.

Sorry — rambling on and on. You have left me with much to ponder — thank you.

Hope your weekend was a wonderful one and your recovery ever-successful.

Talk soon.