Jenna, you are still in shock and it seems all the worse case scenarios are playing havoc with your mind. It is overwhelming when we suddenly come to our senses and begin to scramble for damage control. I would suggest you separate the things yo CAN control from the things you can’t. Take a sheet of paper. Draw a line down the centre and write a few bullet points. It will help to put your thoughts outside you and also you can use it to gauge your progress.
Your priority , Jenna is to keep your compensation payment secure. I would suggest putting it into a joint account in your mum’s name your yours. Otherwise it will vanish.
Jenna, in you present state of mind you are bound to be fearful for your future. These feelings will pass. Lots of people here have overcome huge financial loss, restored broken relationships, started new jobs, dealt with health issues etc etc.
One day at a time is the only way we can combat our demons. If we try to defeat them all at once we haven’t a hope.
Would you consider going for a few counselling sessions with an addiction counsellor to reveal to yourself why you gambled ?
I knew we all say we started for fun etc etc but there are always deeper issues underlying behaviours such as gambling.
Maybe you need to deal with those issues now to empower you for Life’s future events.
Unfortunately our “weaknesses” can become the “crutches” we fall back on when we are faced with challenges. Knowing those weaknesses now will be your trump card later on in life.
Awareness is the key to recovery.
Slow down. It’s early days. Things WILL improve. A few weeks will make a huge difference. Try to have hope and confidence. Never give up!
You are not alone.