#3492
Jilly1
Participant

How lovely to hear from you all and know that you are all ok. I would love to these your updates in more detail. Twighlight, when we last spoke I think your father was in a ‘sheltered’ type accomodation and you were tentatively visiting. You are right about the help card. It is a big danger but I am aware of it and my boundaries now. Jenny…so true about life being better because of what you have gone through. It’s hard to say you would want to be without all the bad experiences because they make you the strong aware person you are now. Monique, how is your son? There are others too that I think about and it would be lovely to hear an update from you all. Charles and Harry, I know life will be good for you both now you are both so far down the recovery path.
I am going to say something that may not be popular here and it is only based on my experience and hearing other stories.
I think now, if somebody asked me about their partner having an addiction I would say run, run as fast as you can to a safe place where you can shore yourself up. You can help that person and be a source of support but only from your own safe and protected place. Otherwise you will get sucked in to a storm and lose your bearings. Two of you will sink instead of one. That person has to make their own recovery and recovering from addiction is one of the hardest things to do. It should not become your responsibility. You can’t control it and it is not your fault.
It may be a good idea to separate your lives but tell that person they can return when they show that they are well on the way to recovery.
I struggled to get out even though without exception everybody who knew my situation was telling me I should. I couldn’t see it for myself. I was too immersed in it and manipulated I suppose.
I was very tangled up with my CG as we worked together in a family business. The more I stepped out of his world by getting my own job and seeking support the more clearly I could see how bizarre my world had become and how far removed it was from the life I wanted for myself and my family.
I don’t think there will be any reconciliation for us as he went too many steps too far and never attempted any sort of significant recovery.
I’m not going to pretend it is all plain sailing and instant happiness but it’s a better feeling than I had before. I feel more in control of my life and more positive about the future.
Jilly