I actually posted my first post here 3 days ago. Im GF for 3 days, and these forums help for sure. I have been single and lonely for 2 years, and while Im in good shape, my last relationship messed up me a bit that I dont trust women any more as she took $250K of mine in LAW SETTLEMENT, just cuz last few years I made a shit ton money. In retrospect, I think it was gambling that reduced my sex drive as the dopamine rush from the wins (not discounting the eventual loss) was enough for me to run to casinos and not spend time with my wife (now ex). Though i just kinda fell out of love as well. But I think it was gambling that spiraled my senses and value of money in an abyss of absolute shit, fecal mater, and an amalgamation of the nasties crap you can think of. My trigger had been very crazy. Im a film maker and most do commercial photography and films. Everytime, Id finish an edit, to reward myself, Id go autopilot to a casino, and on my way back Id somehow talk and reason to my sane self with an alter-ego of a total con artist, scammer, and low life piece of shit, that what else could I do. I dont enjoy anything in this city as most of my friends work during the days, and I have so much free time. After losing a shit ton to casinos, and in a divorce, I yet hadnt hit rock bottom, and my sane self took over and I came to these forums. I had to start being honest with myself, and get back to valuing money again. Somehow, we all gamblers think going out to clubs/bars/movies isnt as worth it as a casino, cuz on a good night of fun you blow $100-200 anyways, but in Casino you do have some odds of making some money back, have a few loud bursts of glory, fist pumps, and false sense of security that this is what rich kids do. In a few years, I have come to realize how much of the world I have missed out travelling to as I have not only been a gambling addict, but an addict of showing negative balances in all my accounts until the next big pay day comes and I feel secure, that Im still alive. “im still alive”, a phrase many of us live by in the casinos on that one win on our last chip that we might have yet another lifeline to win it all back. And then boom, that is gone. I just hated the feeling of walking out, like a junkie, smoking my lungs away, judging down on all the low life degenerates around me, not realizing, I was the biggest one there. Its been 3 days, and I just got a big pay day today (by big I mean over 10K), and today I didnt go. I wont go tomoro either, because, I literally wrote down all the places I wanted to travel to and didnt with my ex wife. Im a good golfer, and summers I rarely gamble cuz Im golfing with my buddies and my league on sunday. But today I calculated that in last one month alone I had blown over $4400 of which $1800 were on one single night of just 2.5 hrs. Today, I just booked a flight to the island of Kauai, hawaii for January 15-23 ($550), booked a car ($325), a hotel ($1100), and a golf pass for $600 at Princeville Makai Golf Club, and googled if there was a Taco Bell on the island. Luckily, there are two… I will be ordering 3 books which I plan to binge read on this trip with my car parked near the pretty mountains or some beach… Even with $800 of spending money while there and back, I would not be spending more than $3300. I will go alone! A lot of us fear doing things alone, and we run to casinos to fight our boredom and loneliness to take refuge amongst other degenerates for a few ours before we start feeling miserable again. There is no glory in chasing the one win that would make it all go away. That only happens in movies or one in a million of us (even they end up back). Some of us may not afford to do what I will be doing, and Im not bragging, but Im truly putting a value to the money in creating a positive memory that I can revisit later when im down, and plan on saving more and more, to do just that. Id rather die one day not remembering the days and times I felt shit walking out of a casino, but the beautiful sunsets, the gushing sounds and crisp mist of waterfalls, while enjoying a couple of cheesy chilli burritos with hot sauce from Taco Friggin Bell!
