Hi San,
I recognise all of those negative self-beliefs & it gives me great hope to know that it is possible to overcome them. I haven’t reached that point yet – I still feel all of the guilt, shame & worry you talked about…. but as my mum always used to say: “The journey of 1000 miles begins with one step”. Today I managed to say “no” to my brother for the first time in the last few weeks. I guess that’s something. Now I just have to stick to it & not change my mind as the guilt creeps in & the phone calls start!!
I agree with you completely about giving CGs our focus & attention. This usually leads to major problems & disappointments in our lives. Earlier this year I got so fed up that I blocked my brother’s phone calls & stopped calling him completely. I didn’t hear from him for about 2 months & funnily enough I stopped worrying about where he was, what he was doing etc. I started focusing on my life & started making plans for MY future for the first time in years. All of a sudden I started to feel happy & hopeful. I stopped panicking every time my phone rang & stopped checking for messages every 5 minutes. Even my friends & work colleagues started to notice a difference in me. I guess that’s all part of that empowerment you are talking about…when you start to love yourself & put yourself first.
Changing your core beliefs is hard work so well done San! I’ve been trying to do it for most of my life. It’s funny how we can continue to forgive our CG after unspeakable hurt & disappointment but forgiving ourselves is so damn hard.
I love my brother but as you said…he has to deal with the consequences of his actions & get to a point where he wants to seek help for himself. While I’m enabling him, he never will. I can see that…. now I just have to stop doing it!
Good luck with your journey to empowerment San…you deserve self-love & happiness. I hope that your son will seek out & accept the help that he needs too.
Keep strong!