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Don’t know how to delete the title, finger slipped on the ipad. But I hope everyone gets my drift. Today is day 300 gf, a cause for celebration, and on the home run to 1 year gf.
Have things improved? Yes, yes and yes and daily I am grateful for it, each and every day. I really didnt think I was going to make it, but I am still here and alive, and i give thanks for that. My health has improved, my finances have improved and soon I will have a diagnosis for over a year’s worth of gut problems.
Today I have spent my time preparing for a holiday I haven’t booked yet and it is fun, that time in the summer when we prepare our summer wardrobe for what we will take with us on our hols. For me, I find it fun and very satisfying in a way I find hard to explain.
Pete moved out last weekend but he popped round on Friday night and within 5 mins both he fell asleep on the chair and I also fell asleep. It was good to see him and Bailey again. I miss Bailey but not the dog hair everywhere. I went to the chinese doc yesterday, he says still gut problems in mid abdomen. I have to agree as although things have much improved, I still have some symptoms and can relate them to dairy. I have noticed that when I have done a big shop for food, I eat quite a lot in a short space of time, and I wonder if that is related to lack in adulthood. In my childhood, my father was brill at cooking and putting food on the table, the one area where there wasnt a lack, although in everything else there was.
The chinese doc is changing the herbs now to build the immune system. Yesterday he put the needle where the third eye is, he calls it the happy place, and on removing it i bled a little and it is still swollen today but going down. Impossible I find to relax with a bod full of needles. I keep thinking what if the ceiling fell down. what if I fell off the couch. Am I the only one to feel these anxieties I wonder? It is about letting go I think and trusting. One thing we realise is that dairy is a problem, as I ate a lot of dairy last weekend as I love it so, but symptoms again on the Monday. When I got home slept as acupuncture always makes me sleepy in the immediate aftermath.
However, this is day 300 and things have definitely improved. Any excitement I feel is tempered somewhat when I get the creditor letters through the door and realise again that this is a long haul and there are still many things to be tackled. But my faith is growing stronger and letting it go to God an not me. When it is me alone, I walk headlong into trouble, story of my life really. When I rely on Jesus and God things are smoother and there is an intelligence I 100 per cent know is smarter, far smarter than I am and knows me implicitly. Here’s to a year gf.
The GMA programme is nearly over now and I am grateful for it enabling me to maintain my recovery. I was 4 months clean when I went in it but very sick in mind and body. When the programme ends I will go to GA again but need to find another group as my regular one has moved to another location which is harder to get to and shut down its three nights a week to just one mid week.
At 300 days I am glad to be gamble free. I am grateful to have the opportunity to recover my life and understand all those things that triggered my gambling in the first place. There is hope after rock bottom and destitution. We just have to surrender our will, ie thy will and not my will be done. Do that and watch how things change and grow, and how we learn about ourselves.