Would you consider taking some time out fro what comes across as a very stressful situation and let hubby take over for a week or two.
Book a hotel with a friend/sister and just switch off.
Looking back on times when my kids were young, I would snap at them when I was tired and annoyed. Then I would feel guilty and overcompensate. Then I would blame their father for my bad mood and he would blame me for their bad behaviour and looking back a lot of this could have been avoided if I had taken a step back….I always felt the place would fall asunder if I left for a break but the truth was it was falling asunder when I was there….I’m not blaming or judging you in any way Madge, just remembering whrn my kids were that age. They are in their 2o’s now They dont come home unless I threaten or bribe or use emotional blackmail on them. That scares me! The house my husband built is empty ! Why ? Because its not a home! Why? Because I created dysfunctional situations which later gave me an excuse to run to the casino to escape from the sadness/madness that seemed to get worse as the years went on.
I feel guilty now because MAYBE if I had removed myself more often from the firing line, I would not now be the scapegoat for my youngest son’s unruly behaviour ( which he tells everyone was caused by an overcontrolling mother), my middle son’s sloth (he has an honours degree in architecture and won’t even look for a job) , my daughter’s absence ( she moved to Sydney and will never contact her parent unless I chase her up, and when she comes home we always end up sparring and it’s ALWAYS my fault…..
If I had to do it all over again it would be different. Like you I was overwhelmed trying to be “all things to all men” and at the end of it all, I ended up escaping to casinos to torture myself….
Excuse the rant Madge…..All Im saying is TAKE A BREAK. It will do you the world of good.