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#12114
trulyshi
Participant

Yeah, I just noticed that too Adele. On Oct. 24, 2013, my birthday, I was tossed out of my “home” for a younger woman with more money. I was used by my common-law partner for 3 years to pay his mortgage, buy his groceries, cook, clean and provide him with my company benefits. I was so engrossed in my addiction that I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Even so, I was devastated when he ended the relationship and sunk into a deep depression and had to go live with my ex-husband for 6 months because I had nowhere else to go. I’m really not complaining about that, I will be eternally grateful to my ex for giving me a soft place to land and time to heal. I banned myself from the casino the day after my birthday because I knew I would gamble excessively due to the depression. The banning was the final step that I had been terrified to make. It was this step that finally allowed me the time to have some clarity and take a really good look at myself and my life. I gambled for close to 15 years and it’s going to take me the next 4-5 years to pay back my debts. I will have to postpone retirement for awhile in order to save up for it. That part doesn’t really bother me, what bothers me is the situation I was in with my common-law partner (Barry) and my inability to see the abuse and my inability to deal with it due to my addiction. That is really what keeps me from giving in to urges and keeps me in recovery, I NEVER want to be in that position again, it’s demeaning and I had no self esteem or self-worth whatsoever. Too bad there are pieces of this journal missing, but what’s important is that I’m still here, and I am happy to fill you in on those missing pieces personally. Ask anything and I’ll be glad to answer and fill in the blanks. Debbie