Im so sorry to read all that has been going on with you – I got a bit of a hammering on the threads (no idea why) and found myself uninterested in reading for a few days.
It is incredibly strong of you to tell your son to move out. It is the right decision. It also is sending him a strong message for other relationships in his life. It’s a good lesson.
We all did the best we could as parents – none of us are perfect and none of us have perfect lives- but we did our best at the time.
I’m sorry you feel so drained. It does seem like you have been cramped into your bedroom for too long and that’s not healthy for you. Your relationship is your decision and Pete brings you happiness and it’s about you ! The parent-child relationship is all about the child (until we become really feeble). We have been through some terrible times with our addiction Monica and we need to make our futures about us – although we can still help those around us.
Keep strong – a little comfort eating won’t hurt – treat yourself with compassion and spoil yourself a little.
This too will pass – maybe the universe is making room for someone else to move in?