i feel I will always be in the mood for gambling. I have emotionally unstable personality disorder aka borderline personality disorder. I’m terrible at control my mood. The slightest thing sends me straight downwards I also face highs and it can change in the space of minuets. It all steams from the abuse as a child. Problem with my diagnosis and myself is that addictive personality comes with it and risk taking.
I won’t use that as a excuse though. I know I’m strong enough to stop if I try hard enough. I just went on gambling site today think that cos I havnt won in ages I was due a win… As if there’s some kind of pattern to winning. I feel I’ve learnt how to play them but that’s clearly not true cos I’m in so much debt.
I don’t want this to be my life. So far all my life has been abuse, drink, drugs, self harm, gambling and failed suicide attempts. I’m terrified of this being my life till I die and I don’t want that. I’m running from a lot of emotional pain I know that and I know it results in me gambling. I know this and I know it’s a problem and I know that I can block myself out the sites but why can’t I just do it? Maybe I’m not ready to let go, I don’t know.