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Dear diary,
I had a jog after not doing it for a long time and has been stress since suffering body aches for the last 2 days now. The pain was doing crazy things to my mind. I get triggered and it make me want to act out.
I have to tell myself not to do it. I have to practice what I learn and divert my attention to do something else, do anything harmless instead of acting out. Was invited but have not learn yoga and be still.

My choices are either pray, or sleep and do not nothing or I get out immediately and do something else safe before the triggering thought snowball into something I cannot manage.

I am ready to move up another level, otherwise it look like if I do not do anything, either way I am going down
If I don’t exercise, my lifestyle become physically very inactive and I will become very obese and unwell, I am turning 50 next year, if I continue living like this, I may fall sick one day ; become mentally weak and stress from the illness and be triggered, end of the day it can turn into a permanent problem, the long term stress and regular trigger from it will get me one day.
If I start to exercise now, I will suffer physical pains and stress as a result, I will be mentally weaken for a period, and suffer regular triggers too, if I am not careful, the trigger can get me too but it is a temporary problem, as I exercise more often and longer, it will make me stronger physically and mentally eventually, the physical pain and mental weakness will lessen over times and the stress and trigger will go away one day. There is hope here.

I plan to step up in my recovery, I plan to start exercise now but I must remind myself to be mindful and be aware of the situation, so that I will not panic and press the self-destruction button in the early days before I grow in strength.

Think I be ok. I am ready to do it.

I trust my Higher Power, I can pray.