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Dear diary,
I cannot comment about anyone else except my life.
I never had a perfect recovery and was never perfect every day.
It was this reality that is putting people like me in real danger.

I can be doing the right things for many days but there are always days when I will slip in to old ways.
Unlikely intentionally or Likely unintentionally or worst likely intentionally, either way I could slip into old ways.
How vulnerable are we to slipping from God-centered ways to self-centered ways
How unexpectedly I can slip from “interest before self” to self before interest and “principle before personality” to personality before principle.
If I am human, what happen to others can happen to me!
How I can slip into self-seeking ways and put myself at risk!

Unless I check myself daily and put to death my desires, plans and self-will.
Unless a Higher Power is leading me

I can only hope that when I slip, I do not spiral out of control and “ KA BOOM!!!” self-destructed and destroy myself as a result.

The warning is real! Since history was documented, we always read about them.

1a. God placed Adam and Eve in a beautiful and bountiful garden. He told them not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Eve saw that the fruit was pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom, so she ate it (Gen. 2:16-17; 3:1-7).

How many times have I give in to “love for money”, “ love for woman”, “ love for any substance that can fix my mood” so desirable and pleasing to my eyes?

Potiphar’s wife daily begged Joseph to come to bed with her. He told her he could not do such a wicked thing and sin against God. When she tried to force him, he fled the room and went to prison rather than yield to temptation (Gen.39)

I am not Joseph but I can try to learn from him.

God had promised to give the land of Canaan to Israel. Moses sent 12 men into the Promise Land to explore it and bring back a report. The land was bountiful, but the people living there were seen as giants (Num.13-14).

Self-centeredness ways
2a. Ten of the spies said, “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are” (13:31)

How many times when I was fearful and unsure, afraid and anxious that my ways switched from right to wrong?

2b. Joshua and Caleb said, “If the Lord is pleased with us, he will lead us into that land…do not be afraid of the people of the land” (14:8, 9)

Self-centeredness is a subtle trap. It is so convincing and makes so much sense.
Like King Asa, you can avoid it at one time and fall right into the trap at another time.

God centeredness
3a. King Asa was facing Zerah the Cushite’s army in battle. He said, “Lord, there is no one like you to help the powerless against the mighty. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this vast army. O Lord, you are our God; do not let man prevail against you” (2 Chron. 14:9-11).

3b. King Asa and Judah were threatened by Baasha, king of Israel. Asa sent gold and silver from the temple and his own palace to Ben-Hadad king of Aram asking for his help in this conflict (2Chron.16:1-3).

2015 has been the best recovery year for me since I started recovery in 2005.
More than 10 months has passed this year, I am proud to say that I have more clean days this year when I gave up my self-will.
The truth is that there were still days when I was not the same. There are times when I became impatient or panic, and took over control of the steering wheel, especially when I feel threaten and not safe by the situation, when I feel very uncomfortable with hardships.
I did not set the best examples but I want to be honest with my imperfection, despite all the wrongs, this is still the best recovery year I ever had.
There was so much reward in doing. You can only get better with each try.

God-centeredness requires a daily death of self and submission to God (John12:23-25)

I have seen the promises I read in the Bible and the 12 steps recovery program come true in my life, sometime slowly, sometime quickly. Getting to know Christ was the best thing to happen to my recovery. For atheist , they can use the 12 steps recovery program.

I feel that the 12 steps recovery program was design and written by man who believe in God for people who don’t believe in God helping them to find God.

I was not perfect but life is improving by God’s grace. Thank you God for keeping me safe today.

Just reached home from a trip to the shopping mall. Saw a poster and receive this message…Why did it take so long? I was still holding on to the steering wheel and did not let go completely and let God take over.