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Maybe your dream of having a baby signifies the New Life you are planning and dreaming of, Jenna. Because you don’t trust yourself at present, you feel you could not be trusted to look after a baby.
Could you discuss that dream with your B/F?
When we are burdened with debt and past misdeeds (gambling) we feel vulnerable.
Not trusting yourself is scary.
I know that feeling. Strangely I often dream I have just given birth. At my age it will always be a dream but some day, when the time is right, hopefully your dream will come true Jenna. CGs are very impatient. Did you read your poem to your B/F?