Gambling Therapy logo
#5635
lily
Participant

Hi Peanut,
Good to see you posting again. Firstly please don’t apologise about giving too much detail as Velvet said it actually helps to know the detail so people can be specific and relevant in their responses.

Secondly as to your comment about wondering if he gambled because you made him unhappy, he gambled because he is a compulsive gambler. No one can make anyone anything, happiness comes within, ability to cope comes from with in often people with this addiction have not been given the tools they need to be happy or to cope so they get into a pattern of distracting themselves from anything highly emotional or difficult by gambling, it is like creating a diversion for themselves. After a while it becomes so habitual that they will almost make excuses to do it, the more they do it the more fall out there is to deal with, then they gamble to escape the feelings associated with that, guilt shame etc.

This brings me on to your next question ‘can a gambler give up just like that?’ The answer is no, it is really tough. They have to first get away from the temptation by self excluding etc, having their money strictly controlled, the people around them to stop enabling then they need to get help, find out their triggers, the reasons behind them and learn new ways of dealing with their emotions in the future (positive emotions can also be a trigger for some), But before all of this and most importantly they have to want to stop.

When you find out your partner or husband is a CG, that they have lied to you, that they are maybe blaming you it feels very much like when someone has had an affair. It can damage yourself esteem, it can feel as if you are to blame, it can feel as if you were not good enough or didn’t do enough to stop them, it may leave you feeling angry, hurt lost or confused. These feelings can be hard to get past and it is important you have support from friends, family and ideally a qualified counselor. It is important to take care of yourself and be able to move forward, you can’t make them recover but you can take charge of your own recovery and in turn that may help them but most importantly it will help you.

Be kind to yourself Lily x