Last weekend, I transferred almost all my savings (I still have $67.00 lol) to pay off our credit card debt. It has been a long road, but no more credit card debt!!!
I had a bit of savings that I think I was holding on to, so I could gamble without dipping into our joint account. Last weekend I was paying bills, and I wrote a check from our joint checking to pay off my credit card debt (the one I used the last time I gambled). I remember what I had said about paying my husband back and how kpat commended me for it. I was feeling guilty, so I decided to make up for it by putting all my savings into paying back this debt. One click and it was done. I felt so good. It also serves as a barrier for me. The company I have been working for is now doing direct deposit instead of mailing me my check, which is also a good barrier. Having that check in my hands was dangerous. Way too many times I have cashed it and headed to the casino.
We had major debt on 3 different cards. At least $7,000 on each one. I think it’s taken about 5 years, maybe more to accomplish this. Most of the debt on these cards was from my gambling. My recovery has not been perfect, and I set us back too many times. With each set back, it is so hard to forgive yourself and move on. My recovery is definitely an example of progress, not perfection. Whether you think you can quit gambling or not, focus on what you want…how you want your life to be. Don’t keep focusing on what you don’t want, unless you want more of it!
Reality: Still over $100,000 in debt. Won’t focus on that…too depressing. I will focus on paying off the next debt and how good it will feel when it is accomplished. We owe my brother $25,000. Money he lent us many years ago when my husband lost his first job. So far, we have only been paying him interest. Time to begin paying him off for real.
Long story short…What I like about recovery is that it makes you look at the craziness of how you are spending. The reality hits you hard, but if you are committed to recovery and the fact that little by little you can begin to turn things around, then little by little you can turn things around.
