I haven’t had a great few days, texts started to arrive on friday and have been frequent both day and night ever since, i had hoped i had seen the last of all of this. He had a new number so caught a little off guard the first time.

The usual stuff, i love you i hate you, accusations manipulation etc. I ignored it all until late last night when he ‘had something he had to tell me which went to might tell me etc etc,

My mind did the rest, I jumped out of bed, checked all my finances on line and in my file, all sorts of thoughts went through my head, all the old responses even though nothing was actually said.

I didn’t sleep well and today I feel drained – for that hour I was back there. I have managed to block the texts so have had nothing today thankfully.

I did reply just before I blocked him telling him not to contact me again and that he has done enough damage and basically to get lost. It gave me no pleasure and now I feel a tad sad.

I was in the vets on saturday afternoon nearly losing one of my dogs despite the fact that I had planned a good day and all I could here was my phone beeping as the screeching reached a ridiculous pitch, I just felt so under pressure.

Today has been a crap day, a draining day but I will not let this blip get to me for much longer. Everything will look better tommorow and i won’t go backwards.

Ultimately He set the scene I did the hard work and although it didn’t last long it was a harsh reminder of what could be again if I chose to go back and I won’t do it.

Now I am forcing myself to take my own medicine and plan some nice stuff for the next few weeks and I will be careful with myself along the way.

I don’t doubt I can do this but for me the only way forward will be a continued total estrangement, I can’t afford to go backwards and I refuse to.

I will never doubt what we had and what I know to be real. This addiction just sucks so badly.

Jenny x