I read you last post and my heart sank for you. The line
“I think he has an antenna when my defences are down” really resonated with me…
Some how our kids do know when to push when we are feeling weak. I can totally relate to the moment when the kids are asking you to do something and you have that inner moment of hesitation that says “don’t do it!” but then the mothering instinct kicks in and says “oh I need to take care of my “baby” (no matter how old they are). It is in that moment when I find myself taking a deep breath and saying to myself – “NO – I cannot compromise myself again- I must protect my mental space and health”. It is hard but it is during those times that I realize if I give all of myself up, there will be nothing left of me.
You did right by turning him down again. His manipulation of putting the words of ‘brain tumor’ out there are more evidence of his narcissism and lack of concern over your health or the health of your partner.
I am not in a postion to advise, but if I could I would suggest not to beat yourself up. Your actions came from a loving place (even though they are not in your best interest). Sometimes being “selfish” is the best course of action and certainly is in the face of the addictions that will take and take and take until you are literally and /or figuratively dead.
Live. Protect yourself. You have done all you can. You are not responsible for your CG anymore. He is grown and his problems he has created are his own.
As a mom is is super hard to do that, but your self preservation is at stake. Live for yourself. Life is so short.
Sending my love and support to you…