Hi Monique, You are so right in that “there may be other changes again before Christmas!” So many changes, however, I am taking them one step at a time and one day at a time. When I have something ‘big’ happening in my life, this is how I now chose to deal with things. I have wasted so much precious energy and time in worrying about things, that normally didn’t even happen, so my motto now is not to worry about things UNTIL they happen.
I wanted to share my thoughts on something Velvet wrote in another thread ” if your (cg) is going to gamble they will find a way and no amount of anxiety on our part will make an iota of difference – living your life in constant expectation of a disaster is soul destroying”. I think it takes a while for this old penny to drop and believe if you expect disaster all the time you will receive it. Life will always deliver what you desire/think. A good friend of mine has thought me to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks and in this instance (not to give the addiction MY mental energy or time). It takes a while to adjust to think that way but you can stop those negative thoughts in a blink and turn around the situation for YOU. I would be constantly thinking about my cg and what he was up to and waiting for that next phone call and sure enough it would come and we would play out the enabler and cg roles to perfection. At the end of the conversation the only winner was the addiction. I would be left feeling sideblinded, used and of course financially worse off. Now I make an effort NOT to phone him so often to find out what he is up to, I turn my phone off at night and I chose the time when I want to deal with him. I am learning to take control of what I can control and trying hard not to let the addiction get the better of me. I believe I have turned a corner and would like to thank everyone on this site for your valued support and cyber hugs :). (At the moment I need to write these feelings down and its good to know I have a safe place to do this) Thank you. San x