nomore 56

Just saw your post, Vera. I am not and never have been able to relate to people on an emotional level. And I mean never, as in not even as a small child barely aware of her own existence. Not my parents, certainly not my sister, nobody I can think of. I feel with my brain. I do not like any kind of emotional closeness being put on me by others either. That includes my romantic relationships. They were never about what one would call love. Hard to explain. Security, safety, stability, routine, predictability, that were always my most important needs. I have heard more than once that I might have a touch of Asperberger’s syndrome. If I do or not is of no concern to my anymore. It all goes back to not being able to truly and really feel and connect. People are not important to me, other than the minimum of contact one needs to make it through life. For someone like me, material possessions, and I don’t mean being filthy rich, are very important. Doesn’t have to have much value, just the things I cherish for some reason mean so much that it hurts so bad to lose them that the pain becomes almost physical.
When people tell me that home is where the heart is, I have to disagree. My heart is where the home is. Can’t explain it any better, sorry.
I am very proud that I was able to raise my daughter to be the person she is under the circumstances, that’s for sure. Funny though, my mom, my daughter and I are pretty similar when it comes to emotions and being close to people. Not only because one raised the other, sometimes it’s funny and very amazing how we think and act alike.
Well, there goes another week of nothing, lol.
I think you are doing a great job.