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#20763
cat438
Participant

I thought I would do a post as I am procrastinating about getting started on what I should be doing, and that is de-cluttering and doing other stuff around the house. I think it is time to set the 30 minute timer to get me started. I am feeling good though, but just don’t have the motivation to do the stuff I need to do. I want it all done, but don’t want to do the work to get there. Now that sounds like wanting to stop gambling, but not wanting to work on myself to stop. I am reading and learning about myself. In fact I have progressed since I started recovery, it is a continual work in progress, but as long as I continue I hope that the good things will become habit or the “norm”. I know that if I am ever in a situation with slots that I need to be very very very aware. I don’t go to the Casino and I don’t go to bars for vlts, but you can be out for dinner at a restaurant and they have a lounge with vlts. They are all around and I can’t change that, but I know that I can’t put one cent/dollar in them as I am powerless as soon as I place that first bet in a machine. I know that sometimes when I don’t expect to see those machines and they are in front of me, there is a yearning inside of me to just go put a dollar in, as I do miss being able to play them, but as a compulsive gambler I know that it is but a dream… because the compulsive gambler is not a dream and I would be back to sneaking around, telling lies, hating myself, losing money and piling up debt. I know that I don’t want that life again, but I also know that I am not cured and never will be, I have to continue on this journey by taking it one day at a time. It is not easy sometimes, but anything worth having is worth working for. I now need to think that way about losing weight and getting more exercise LOL I never know what I am going to post, but it seemed to me that I needed to post this today as that is what came out!!!!