#3373
Nychantal
Participant

Thank you for your comments. They were warm and informative.
I’ve been writing down the pros and cons but its not getting easier to decide what is right and what I will regret later on.

I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what to do but I want to be sure that leaving someone with compulsive gambling isn’t the same as leaving a partner diagnosed with cancer. That’s what I feel like I’m doing when I consider packing up my things. I feel guilty, like I’m quitting on someone that needs help. That I can help fix if I stay…

When I start to make an actual plan to leave I get flushed with tears and anxiety. I care for him so much. I didn’t want to have to consider leaving but I can’t ignore the feeling that staying with him will bring out the worst in me.
(My father is bi-polar alcoholic and I am irregularly taking anxiety medication, I feel as though its harder and harder to control my own happiness with all of this going on)

What I want is for him to have not gambled and to not do it again. It’s not what I imagined for us. At the same time, I know that unless he truly wants help Ill be stuck in this cycle.

Another reason why I consider staying is because he’s always paid me back and made sure I was made whole. Although , after emptying out his bank accounts and maxing out his credit cards he made it impossible to pay his half of things moving forward. Maybe this isn’t such a valid point.

His dad stepped in and said ” I wont let you end up on the streets. But you have to keep going to your job, see a psychiatrist and go to therapy” . My Fiance only agreed to two of the requirements . He refuses to go to GamANON or Group Therapy. Even though all the psychiatrist I spoke to recommend BOTH for prevention. One psychiatrist told me over the phone that IF he doesn’t want to go to group therapy he is 100% likely to relapse and gamble since its behavioral..

I asked him if he really wanted help or was doing it so his dad would support him.. He answered “I dont know”. Then, after he saw a text from my mom wishing I’d come home threatened his Dad and I that he wouldn’t go to a psychiatrist any more.

What if he hasn’t truly hit rock bottom, doesn’t want help BUT just wants to rely on his father for financial support until he can find a way to bet again…

You are all lovely and kind and I’m grateful to have found a forum where I can communicate with other people that understand. I’m sorry if my writing comes out emotion-less or whiney. I am perplexed and numbed by the entire situation.