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I was thinking…

It has happen so many uncountable times. After each painful relapse now, I have already developed a defense and survival mechanism where:
I can block out the thought or numb my pain,
I can pretend nothing had ever happen, or
I can act like anything has ever happen,
I would focus on something so hard that I could forget about what had just happen.

Why didn’t I apply the same thing when I was sick and suffering before I relapse.