You asked, “will I always have this addiction? is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Will I ever live a normal life?”
To answer the first question – it sounds like your brain is wired the same way that mine is. I cannot place a bet, because once I do, I cannot stop. Like you, I cannot quit – either whilst I am ahead or behind – I always chase losses, the definition of a problem gambler.
To answer question 3, I feel I am living a normal life – in as much as I am leading a life without gambling. I cut gambling out of my life completely. I look upon it like having allergy. If I had a peanut allergy, I would know I could never eat peanuts again. Would that affect my life? Yes, I would have to be more careful than most people and accept that some wouldn’t understand that they can eat peanuts with no problems and I can’t. But in the grand scheme of things, not being able to eat peanuts is not big deal. Life goes on. So it is without gambling. I just tell people I don’t gamble and live a life without gambling.
So is there light at the end of the tunnel. If that means a life without gambling, then yes. I have been gamble free for so long, I can’t remember – but at least 12 years. It wasn’t easy in the beginning – especially thinking about my losses and having to manage debt for many, many years. I was plagued by urges and had to do a lot of “self-work” to get through that period. Now gambling is just not part of my life.
If you read through the threads on here you will see the three things you need to do to stop, (lose access to gambling, to the means to gamble and to the time to gamble) – and the one thing you need to do to stay stopped – which is to get really good support for yourself. I wish you well.