Thanks Kathryn, I had a wonderful long weekend. I have another week off in October and I think I will plan a trip to see Bettie since she has been to see me 3 ***** and I have not gone there yet. I hate driving on highways and freeways, I become panicked and nervous. It’s amazing that I actually have enough money to consider taking a train or plane in order to go and visit Bettie. Sarah’s first birthday is rapidly approaching and I am going to the mall tonight to shop for that special first birthday gift. Looking back over this past year and reflecting over all the changes that have come into my life I can hardly believe that I am in such a different situation and mind frame now. I can recognize triggers that used to send me down to the casino and spiral out of control. No life is ever conflict free and I’m not running away from conflict anymore, I am learning to cope with it. I think that the debt incurred by my past coping mechanisms was probably the worst, which no longer seems insurmountable. I deal with it one day at a time, paying off important bills and keeping up with the others. Money is starting to have value again and is no longer just "ammunition" to feed my addiction. I used to think, "just four more years and I’ll be out of debt" then I would consolidate my debts and start all over. I refuse to live for the future, and have stopped thinking that way. Every day is a new one and it is important to live in the here and now. Recovery does not mean that I will suddenly "find" all the money I had lost, or suddenly start to see a lot of money in my bank account. Recovery means that slowly, over time, I can get back on my feet and see my own worth. It has taken close to a year to be able to plan and afford a trip to see a wonderful friend and that is something that even a year ago I would not have been able to do, or even fathom doing. Today I am happy and at peace. Today I will not gamble, but live life to the fullest. Debbie
